


It always leads to this

by Tiger_Lilly



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, John doesn't realize this, M/M, No Smut, One Shot, Pining Idiots, Post-Episode: s02e03 The Reichenbach Fall, Sherlock Holmes Has Feelings, Sort Of, accidental love confession, they're both idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:53:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21978379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tiger_Lilly/pseuds/Tiger_Lilly
Summary: No matter what Sherlock does, John is always angry. They fight over everything and nothing, until a big fight leaves them questioning whether it's all worth it anymore.But sometimes simply communicating can shine some light even into the darkest corners.Or, Sherlock and John decide it's best to go their separate ways, until they suddenly realize they don't want to do that.Some cuddling and long overdo love confessions ensue.
Relationships: Sherlock Holmes & John Watson, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson
Comments: 15
Kudos: 105





	It always leads to this

A cloud of smoke formed in front of Sherlock’s face. It might have been from the cold if it weren’t for the cigarette currently dangling from Sherlock’s lips. Sherlock couldn’t help thinking that John would not be happy seeing him having a smoke, what with being a doctor and all. Sherlock needed that cigarette though. He _really_ needed it.

They had had a row, John and Sherlock. Sherlock doesn’t recall how it started. It might have had something to do with dangerous experiments or Sherlock’s disinterest in religious festivities and the like. Lately it was always something like that. Sherlock did his best to be enough for John, to not be a hindrance and make living with him as comfortable as possible. But in the end there would always be something Sherlock had missed and John would lose his temper. There was nothing Sherlock could do. He was walking on eggshells here.

Sometimes he thought John was just looking for an excuse to yell at Sherlock.  
It was getting harder and harder to not let it take effect on him. Sherlock was constantly afraid of doing something that might upset John, so he always bailed when John was near. He would either go out to Barts or wander aimlessly around London, trying not to think of how it had been before the Fall. How John had gladly followed him into any situation, how he had called him extraordinary and brilliant. There was none of those quiet nights by the fireplace or ridiculous giggle sessions by the staircase anymore.  
  


It hurt to think it, but Sherlock might possibly never return to those days. He just had to face that John and Sherlock - the Detective and his Blogger, was not a thing anymore. They weren’t the unbreakable union they once had been. _And he would never have that with anyone ever again._

Sherlock swallowed against the closing of his throat. He could feel tears burning behind his eyes, but he refused to cry. Not with John upstairs. He needed to hold on to what little dignity he had left.

Sherlock took one last drag of his cigarette and then made his way back up to the flat. His steps were heavy with the decision he had just made.  
  


John stood with his back to the window, directly looking at Sherlock as said man entered the room. Before Sherlock could say anything John started to speak.

  
«I think we have to talk!»

Sherlock nodded. John had probably come to the same conclusion. He was rather bright after all.  
  


«I can’t do this anymore Sherlock. I don’t want to do this anymore!»

Although Sherlock had wanted to say something along the same lines, it still hurt to hear them be directed at him.

Sherlock nodded again. He didn’t trust his voice at the moment.

John blew out a deep breath, as if he had expected more resistance. Sherlock refused to be in another fight.

«Right, well. I think it might be best for us all if I just moved out. Of course I will still help you whenever you need me on a case and we’ll always be friends! It’s just not ... not ...»

  
«Not the same anymore.», Sherlock finished for John.

«Yes.», John didn’t seem to be at ease with his decision, if anything he seemed to be more conflicted and quite a deal more tired.

Sherlock didn’t believe they could still be friends. If John left now, he would leave forever. And yet he didn’t have the strength in him to stop the doctor.

The tears that had threatened to come during the whole conversation now decided to fall freely. Sherlock let them.

  
It was this that finally seemed to turn a switch in John’s head. With three quick strides he was suddenly standing right in front of his flatmate, looking shocked and if Sherlock saw correctly, quite stricken. He was biting his lip, trying to find a way to be of comfort for his friend while still leaving him at arm's length. He gave up on that second part when Sherlock started shake. He didn’t quite ‘sob‘, it was more like mutely crying, but it was enough for John to forget that he had been just about to leave, and instead pull Sherlock into a tight embrace.

John drew slow, circular motions on Sherlock’s back, making comforting noises and waiting for Sherlock’s breaths to come even.

  
It must have been quite a few minutes until Sherlock finally calmed somewhat. John still held him in a tight embrace. when Sherlock’s shaking had abided and there were no more tears left, John didn’t let go. When Sherlock started to feel self conscious and tried to wriggle out of John’s grasp, John just held on tighter.  
  


« _John_ », Sherlock was embarrassed to note that it came out a bit like a whine.

«Hmm?» John nuzzled Sherlock’s neck.

The detective seemed to have lost all control of his vocal chords. A gasp escaped his mouth which he found even more embarrassing than the whine.

«Sorry!», John said into Sherlock’s skin, not moving an inch.

«God, I’m so sorry!», John said again, now rather serious as if only realizing himself what had happened. «I shouldn’t have yelled at you, I was just so angry and I was frustrated. Not just with you, I was also frustrated with myself! I don’t even know why I yell at you half the time. It all just seems too much and you ... you’re just ... you don’t ... I _thought_ you didn’t, but now ... _fuck!_ »

John was rambling. And he didn’t make any sense. Sherlock told him as much.

«Yeah, I know!» John sighed. «It’s just- I didn’t expect this!»  
  


«What? Me breaking down crying? Yes, I did not expect that either!»  
  


«No, not that, Sherlock, I just… I didn’t expect you to care...» John amended in a whisper, more to himself than to Sherlock.

Sherlock pushed John off him and stared intently into his face. John couldn’t be serious. Was he serious?

John’s expression turned from awkward into guilty to finally land on embarrassed.

«Don’t look at me like that! I know you’re not a sociopath, I’m a doctor after all! But I didn’t think you would care about _me_... »

Sherlock scoffed. «Don’t be ridiculous John, of course I care about you! I would not have sacrificed my life for you the many times that I have, if I didn’t care. I thought that much was fairly obvious!» Surely John couldn’t be _that_ daft, could he?

  
«Well yes, of course I know that!» John seemed to be getting more frustrated the more he was unable to bring his point across. «I meant I didn’t know you wanted me. Wanted me to be with you.»

John’s cheeks spotted a lovely flush and he cast his eyes downward, breaking their intense eye contact.

«John ... Why would you think I don’t want you here? Certainly, we had some difficulties in the past few months, but I will always want you by my side-»

  
«I DIDN’T KNOW YOU LOVED ME!», John burst out.

  
«Oh» Sherlock did not see that coming. He felt slightly wrong footed and as if he should flee into his room and hide under his blankets for all eternity. He didn’t like that feeling.

«I'm sorry.», John said once again, curiously embarrassed himself.

Sherlock stepped further away from John and then turned his back. He spoke slow and surprisingly even when he said: «I understand that this is not what you want. I was never going to tell you! I hoped we could simply remain friends, but I understand if you do not feel comfortable to be near me anymore. You can go. I won’t try to stop you!»

«Woah, now hang on a minute,» John tugged on Sherlock’s arm to face him. Once that was managed, he continued talking. «I never said any of that!»

« _Oh_ _p_ _lease,_ », Sherlock scoffed. «Every time someone as much as _implied_ we were a couple you went above and beyond to correct them!»

«I haven’t done that in years!»

  
«Well, you certainly were not trying to clarify it either!»

  
«I know, I’m sorry!», John apologized for the umpteenth time. It felt like he was trying to apologize for all the fights they had had in the past couple of months and especially for the nasty ones in the past couple of weeks.

  
John had apologized after every fight already, but it never felt as sincere as it did now. John really didn’t want to leave.  
Which was good because Sherlock really didn’t want to let him go. No matter how many fights they would have or that John might possibly be the end of Sherlock Holmes, he just couldn’t give up his friend and colleague. Not now, that he knew his love confession didn’t drive John away. He wouldn’t have to hide his feelings anymore and he wouldn’t have to be afraid of John leaving. John wanted to stay.  
  
Oh what a glorious feeling that was! Sherlock couldn’t stop the little grin that was forcing its way up the corners of his mouth.  
  


John drew his eyebrows at that. Probably surprised by Sherlock's sudden change in demeanor. Sherlock had stopped deducing his flatmate years ago. Not completely, mind you. He still deduced what kind of food John was in the mood for or how his days went. He did not however attempt to deduce John’s feelings for him. He understood that he was not impartial to that task and thus influenced the results immensely.

So it came as a complete surprise for him when John finally laid his hand on Sherlock’s cheek and placed a soft kiss on his temple.

  
«I’m an idiot!», John whispered. «You were always trying your best to make me happy.» The doctor nuzzled into Sherlock’s neck again. He seemed to like it there. 

John really was going to be the end of him, wasn’t he?

  
«I should have realized sooner, but I was just so bloody frustrated that you didn’t seem to care ... I mean you didn’t react in any way to my advances, you didn’t answer any of my questions and then I thought you knew and just ignored it to spare us both the humiliation and that just made me angry. I know it’s no excuse, but I was just so wrong. I’ve never been so happy to be wrong in my entire life!»  
  


John’s mood swings were dizzying. Where he had looked so sad and frustrated only a minute ago, he now beamed at Sherlock with the brightness of a thousand light bulbs.

Sherlock huffed. «So you’re saying what exactly?»

John’s grin grew impossibly wider. He buried one hand in Sherlock’s curls, while the other still lightly stroked Sherlock’s cheek.

  
«That I love you, you git!»

  
Sherlock felt his eyes take on the physical form of saucers. He blinked a few times, trying to make out if this was a dream or some sort of hallucination. Did he take any drugs after their initial fight? He suddenly couldn’t remember. _Oh god._ _Please, no!_

«Hey, Sherlock, look at me! What’s happening in that great brain of yours?»

  
Sherlock turned his attention back to John, still feeling slightly dazed.

  
«I love you.», he said.

I know!», John probably meant to sound complacent, but his relieved smile gave him away.

«And you ... love me?»

«God yes!» John exclaimed, drawing his friend into his arms and smiling into his skin. He breathed more _I love you_ ’s into his neck, his shoulder, his throat, his cheeks, his temple and finally into his mouth.

Sherlock sighed on to John’s lips, shivering in John’s arms from the sheer excitement of finally getting to kiss him. It was a sweet kiss. In no way hurried and simply perfect. They sagged further into each other when the kissing stopped, feeling exhausted yet unspeakably comfortable.

When Sherlock took John’s hand to guide him to his bedroom, it wasn’t for sex (though there would be plenty of that later). They were simply going to lay in each others arms, holding on tight and basking in each other's comfort.

After a while of listening to John’s steady heartbeat, Sherlock could feel his eyes droop, his mind drifting off further into the comfortable embrace of the impending sleep.

Sherlock didn’t mind. He knew when he woke up, John would be there. Smiling and fondly calling him an idiot. If he had that, all was going to be alright. They would sort it out. After all, they always have. And they always will. Because they were John and Sherlock and that was that.

The End.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry for all the spelling and grammatical errors.  
> I hope you enjoyed this little story, if so kindly let me know via kudos/comments.  
> Thank you so much for reading! :)


End file.
